Playing Poker and Ministerial Presence
I enjoy playing poker, but as a grad student my income doesn't support gambling with any considerable stakes. A minister friend introduced me to some of his congregants who host a low stakes tournament every few months and this past Saturday I played. The event struck me as a bit odd because it is one of the many times where I treated as different for being a religious professional.
I was introduced as the minister at school to several of the people at the event and had to let them know it was ok to use foul language around me, and that I was no holy man who might be offended by their comments. I started off well in the tourney, then went on tilt and was out by the third blind change. A good sized chunk of the players present were active laity at this specific congregation, and it was interesting to see them act with their proverbial hair down around their minister and this "minister at school." There was still some reservation, but they were very friendly. Even in their warmth, it seemed as though I was a bit apart. Perhaps even on the poker table I do not lose the ministerial presence in their eyes. It hits like a weight of responsibility to see the separation made real.
A coworker asked me today to help him design a wedding service. His friend is getting married now that she and her significant other have their second child on the way. He's doing the internet ordination so he can sign their certificate on the cheap. I was amused when he asked me what he had to say to make the thing official and he was confused when I didn't give a simple answer. When I told him I had readings and we could sit down with the couple to design a service he was confused since he thought I meant bible readings. More and more such things happen where people around me use me as a ministerial resource or think me a minister when I'm not that far along in the process. Three semesters of seminary does not a minister make, nor does the four months of field ed I've done for the district. Often I look at the respect and responsibility folks place on my identity as a religious professional in awe. Who am I to be this? It is a question I wrestle with. Who am I to lead, when I am just as much a wanderer in this quest to find a little meaning? Who am I to lead, when I'm being just as deceitful as the next when bluffing a hand at poker? Perhaps that is why we should all ask who are we not to lead.